You know the old saying "Fake it til you make it?" I'm thinking I might need to apply it to my life right now.
Me and the kids left Alaska and the safety net of my parents 3 days before Christmas. I admit, it was hard to leave. When I should have been counting down the days to reunite my family and see my husband I was instead mourning the little time I had left with my family. My heart really did not want to leave. We had grown comfortable in Fairbanks. It was nice to finally live around my family and see them on a day-to-day basis. To be involved in the menial talks and tasks that go on in a household. And to make matters worse, my whole family had gathered for the holiday at my mom's house so it was especially hard to leave right before all the Christmas festivities.
But, leave we did and now we are in Florida. The weather has only gotten slightly better and my heart hurts only a little less each day wishing I could be back home.
As we head into the new year and our new life I am having a hard time. I'm not really excited to be starting over, I'm not really excited to be in FL, I'm not really excited to learn a new school routine and find new friends (if only!) or find where all the great places to shop are or even find out how to drive into Orlando.
So, after a week or so of a pity-party for one I have decided I need to change my attitude.
But what if I can't change my attitude? Does that change my situation? No. I am still starting over, I am still in FL, I am still going to have to learn a new school routine and find new friends and where to shop and how to drive into Orlando.
So I've decided I better "fake it til I make it" Act like I am interested in my surroundings even if I'm not, act excited about all the possibilities when all I want is the familiar, act brave even when I feel scared inside about starting over.
And then all that faking might just turn into sincerity.
At least that is what I keep telling myself.
3 comments:
Paul and I read this together and he asked If I was gonna comment, I told him that I didn't think my comments would be particularily helpful in this case.
Caleb still asks if the kids are coming with Nana, but better to be our right now, as we ar stuck in the house with 3+ days of -30's!
Oh Erin, you still know how to make me cry! My heart is going out to you. I don't know how you do it. Love and prayers, and CALL ME!!
Erin, I've been thinking about my last comment . . . what I meant was you can do ANYTHING (including learning how to drive in Orlando) because you are just an amazing woman (and because you were a queen in a former life). :)
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